In The Club
by Julie Ann Pope
Summary: Post 'Prioritise the Heart' with a small nod towards 'The Cowards Way' (pre-broadcast). Dom decides that Bernie needs to face up to her sexuality as well as a side order of fun. But will his good deed ultimately get him into trouble with the Major?
It was six weeks since Alex had walked out of Bernie's life. Six weeks since Bernie had told Marcus she was leaving him and five weeks since she had been served with divorce papers. The divorce wasn't the problem, not really. In fact, Marcus filing the papers was what she had wanted. However, her dirty laundry aired in public hadn't been part of that plan.

* * *

Dom watched Bernie as she did her post-op rounds on the ward. He could tell that she wasn't quite fully present while she was here. Not that it had any impact on the quality of her work; she was completely professional and on the ball when in surgery. It was the quiet moments in between; as she stared off into the distance over a mid-morning cup of coffee or when she'd read the same report at least ten times without actually taking it in. He knew that he had to do something to snap her out of it, even if just for a short while, because he was becoming concerned for her.

Their already burgeoning friendship had grown considerably since Alex had appeared on the scene six weeks ago. As far as he was aware, Dom was the only person in the world who knew about their relationship. Bernie had opened up to him about it and about her sexuality and although honoured to be trusted so much, he also realised what a great responsibility it was too. Not only to keep her secret but how to help her on her journey out of the closet. But first she needed cheering up, Dom style.

It was all about catching her at the right time. On duty, in and around the hospital, Bernie was strictly 'Ms Wolfe' to Dom and his peers. But in Albie's, the car park or even the locker room at the end of shift, Dom was privileged enough to be able to speak freely and he used that to his full advantage. Bernie had just been fishing her car keys from her bag so she could put them into her coat pocket ready for when she got to the car park when Dom spoke into the otherwise comfortable silence of the staff room.

"You and me, night out." He hadn't looked at her when he spoke, and finished tying up the shoelaces of his outside trainers.

"What?" Bernie paused then and turned to face him which prompted Dom to do the same.

"Gay club, show you what you've been missing all these years.." His accompanying cheeky smile did nothing to alleviate her sudden fear, not least of all because of where they were.

"I _really_ don't think…" Dom didn't pay any heed to the warning in her tone.

"Nothing salacious, just a nice intimate bar where you can talk to a few people about your situation, be in the company of people, _women_ , who are the same." She'd not spoken of any friends she saw outside of work and despite the change in her personal situation, she still spent all the hours she could on duty. Dom could understand that an empty, impersonal rented flat was just as bad as an unhappy marital home.

"Thanks for the offer but I'm really not ready for that." There was a double meaning to her words, both in terms of embracing her previously hidden sexuality more loudly and of meeting someone else. The pain over losing Alex was still too raw. Besides, it was still something of a loose end and Bernie was trying to make an effort to ensure it wouldn't remain that way. However, deep down, her hope for a happy ending was diminishing with every passing week.

"Whether you're ready or not, I think you need it. Please, just trust me on this?" Dom looked pleadingly at Bernie and she knew then that she'd give in. He'd been incredibly supportive and discreet and she did trust that he had some expertise in this field.

"Okay, but promise me you're not trying to set me up with someone?"

"No, of course not! What do you take me for?" Bernie had told Dom enough about how she and Alex had left things that he knew it wasn't going to be resolved anytime soon. And that her heart still lay very much with the anaesthetist.

* * *

Bernie hadn't been for a night out like this in donkeys years and, in a rare crisis of self confidence, she had agonised over what to wear and how to present herself. This was her first night out as an her true self, as an out gay woman, and she was terribly nervous. She slipped into a booth and while she waited for Dom to bring back their drinks she took a good look around her. Dom had been right, it wasn't as bad as she'd expected it to be. He'd taken her to an upmarket bar as opposed to a seedy club or grimy pub and the music wasn't so loud that you couldn't have a decent conversation.

But she felt very much out of her depth, like she was a fraud and didn't really belong there. She'd been married to a man for 25 years, what right did she have to walk in here and claim to be part of this established community now? She'd benefitted from years of being assumed straight because she hadn't had the courage to look inside herself too deeply. The people here were brave for facing up to their true selves and for being open in a world that sometimes didn't understand. It made her feel humble and unworthy of their support right now.

She'd eventually settled on some dark jeans and a shirt, with some small heels and a blazer; smart-casual, accessorised with a little bit of jewellery, which she felt served most situations. Dom placed a large glass of red wine on the table in front of her, plus a bottle of mineral water and a glass full of ice. He then went back to the bar for his gin and tonic. He'd just motioned to sit down and get himself comfortable when Bernie made noises to move.

"I can't do this… I don't belong here…." She shook her head and looked at Dom with panic in her eyes.

"Wait! Wait…. What's up?" He reached out to keep her in the seat next to him, placing a reassuring hand on her knee.

"Look at me, I don't exactly look like…." She inclined her head and expected Dom to be a mind-reader and fill in the blank, fortunately it hadn't been too difficult.

"Like a lesbian?" Bernie nodded and Dom laughed kindly. "You are allowed to say it you know, especially here," and then a thought occurred to him. "You _have_ said it out loud before haven't you?" At Bernie's silence his eyebrows shot up but he decided to deal with that later and took a deep breath. "For the record, you look like _you_ and that's all you can be. It's not the eighties anymore; it's not all dungarees, Doctor Martin boots and pints of beer. And no, you don't get a complimentary toaster either." At Bernie's blank look to the popular culture reference he changed tack. "Look around you, properly this time." Dom inched closer and leaned into Bernie's personal space as he scanned the room with his eyes. "Look, over there. The woman with the pink cardigan over a green dress?" Bernie nodded and saw the very feminine looking young woman in heels and make-up.

"Probably just out with a group of friends."

"No, I don't think so." He nudged his companion as another young woman in a shirt and slacks sidled up beside her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. She responded by turning into to other woman and wrapping her arms around her waist.

"Oh." Bernie said as she realised she'd just been proven wrong.

"And over there," he pointed to a female couple who must have been their sixties as they shared a gentle kiss, seemingly oblivious to everyone else around them.

"Relax, you have every right to be here, just as much as everyone else." Dom placed a friendly hand on her shoulder before he was interrupted by the arrival of newcomers. "Ah, hello ladies!" He indicated for them to join him and Bernie at their booth. He introduced Joanne, a general surgeon, Kim, a nurse, Sally a GP and Juliette who was a Civil Servant but an ex girlfriend and friend of Sally's. Bernie got the feeling she'd just been ambushed by her very well meaning colleague and was very quickly working out ways of punishing him on duty tomorrow.

* * *

It turned out that Juliette was an army reservist so she and Bernie had chatted for most of the night between themselves. She'd gradually eased into the evening and eventually opened up to the other women about her situation, but not about Alex. It had been hard enough to think about her and simply allude to their relationship, let alone explain fully what had happened between them. Dom had subtly moved away to another table and chatted to a bloke he had no intention of taking home but had been pretty enough to occupy his time for a while. That was until he saw Juliette dragging Bernie off to the dance floor hand in hand and he'd grown so excited that he immediately rejoined his friends.

Not long after the first dance the floor became packed with people enjoying themselves. For at least a while Bernie had forgotten all the heartache and pain of her situation and simply allowed herself to be free. She'd danced with Dom, carefree and laughing joyfully, and the young man didn't think he'd ever get over her unique laugh. It has been more surprising than the discovery of her sexuality, partly due to to the fact that most at Holby General assumed she'd had a humour bypass due to her time spent in the army.

Someone had then decided that shots were somehow a good idea and the rest of the evening became somewhat of a blur. Bernie had ensured Dom got back to his flat safely and they'd exchanged a hug in the back of the cab, much to his great surprise. The cab had then dropped her off at her new, temporary, rented flat and she'd flopped against the door once she'd let herself in. She grinned widely to herself in her happy-drunk state before remembering Alex and then quickly sobered with the clenching pain in her heart. She wondered if the younger woman was okay, where she was and what she was doing. She wondered whether they'd ever find their way back to each other or if Alex had finally had enough and moved on. She'd honour their relationship by sorting herself out as Alex had requested and hopefully this evening had been the first step in doing just that.

* * *

"You're late, Doctor Copeland." Bernie watched as the young doctor winced at the volume and tone of her voice. He rubbed at his temples as if to emphasise the point.

"Sorry Ms Wolfe."

"You're on bedpan duty for the first hour of your shift." Dom accepted his fate without fuss as he'd had a suspicion that something like this would happen on 'the morning after the night before.' What he had failed to spot was Bernie's accompanying affectionate smirk as he walked away to begin his shift/punishment.

At 10.30 Dom walked into the staff room to grab an energy drink from his rucksack before he attempted round two with Ms Wolfe. He turned around and almost collided into her as she entered with a polystyrene box and cup. She held them out to him after the gratuitous round of 'sorries' had been spoken.

"Breakfast. Or brunch if you managed to eat before coming on shift?" He looked at her with suspicion and didn't take the offered food.

"What's this for?"

"It's not poisoned if that's what you're thinking?" She chuckled and held out the food again. This time Dom gratefully took it from her, he hadn't had time for breakfast so was ravenous! "It's a thank you, for last night." He looked at her questioningly then, hoping that she'd explain further. "You were right, I did need it and against my better judgement, I actually had a good time." She smiled gratefully at him.

"I thought you were pissed off with me for getting you drunk on a school night?"

"No, not at all. In fact, I'm going out with the girls again next week. It's… it's good to be around people who understand my situation without fear of judgement. Thank you, you've been a good friend."

"I…" speechless and a tad embarrassed, Dom averted his eyes and went to tuck into his sausage and bacon buttie.

"Take your time and eat your breakfast, I don't want you getting indigestion on top of your hangover!" Bernie went to leave the room but paused before she opened the door. "But don't take the mick Doctor Copeland!" she threw over her shoulder and chuckled as she left.

* * *

Bernie returned to the ward and had been immediately summoned into theatre. She'd received the shock of her life when she saw that Marcus was already there, scrubbed in and ready to assist. The atmosphere had been awkward and tense and Bernie had been keen to get the job done and out of there as quickly as possible. What was it with people in her private life just showing up at work and sending her into a tailspin?

The situation had deteriorated as Marcus had decided to snipe his way through the post-op shift and threw digs and insults Bernie's way. She took it with as much dignity as she could; he was a man whose pride had been hurt and had returned to petty, childish behaviour in order to express that. She was the one who had hurt him by asking for a divorce with no real explanation or discussion, so it was only fitting that she had to endure this one day of awkwardness. Besides, this was her domain so there was some comfort in the fact that she was the one ultimately in control.

That was until he had started to make more personal comments and accusations because it was clear she wasn't biting on his previous attempts to provoke a response from her. And worst of all it was in the middle of the ward over a patient she'd been trying to treat. She'd made one of her usual witty but bawdy quips to reassure the young woman in the hospital bed that they had been standing over.

"That's rich, coming from you!" Marcus interjected and turned the conversation round to him and his feelings of hurt and frustration once again.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Bernie gritted it out in a whisper and moved around the the end of the bed in an attempt to continue without the patient overhearing.

"I can almost count the number of times we slept together on one hand, and that was pretty much only so we could conceive our children." Her mind traitorously brought to mind images and memories of making love with Alex and how so very different it had been to anything she had experienced before. She fought to keep the simultaneous feelings of pleasure, pain and embarrassment from her expression.

"Not here and not now Marcus!" Her patience was wearing very thin at this point and he'd just made it incredibly personal and unforgivable right out here in the ward, not to mention unprofessional too.

"We will talk about it later Bernie, I'm _not_ going to let this drop!" Marcus pointed his fingers at her, to show her that his word was final, and walked away. Bernie returned to the patient she'd been attending prior to Marcus's interference where Serena had taken up the mantle in Bernie's temporary absence.

"Don't let the bastard get you down Ms Wolfe." Serena advised her colleague helpfully and she replaced the notes she'd just been looking at in the pocket at the end of the patient's bed.

"Thanks." Bernie smiled at her gratefully.

"It's _you_!" The young woman piped up and clambered out of her bed. Bernie and Serena went to her side to try calm her down and get her back in. "You act so innocent but I heard them talking... about how you cheated on your husband with a woman!" Bernie stared at her in shock and dropped the patient's arm. The heat from her embarrassment travelled from the tip of her toes right to the top of her head, creating a red blotchy hue to her face and neck. The girl had just outed her to everyone and Bernie was petrified of the consequences; not only for her in the workplace but to the divorce proceedings too. It appeared to be too late to worry as the whole ward had turned around to gawp at the unfolding spectacle and, uncharacteristically, Bernie ran away from the situation.

* * *

Bernie had bumped into Serena in the corridor shortly afterwards and heated words had been thrown in her direction. She could understand Serena's anger and she acknowledged that her colleague, who was fast becoming a friend, had been incredibly supportive as she went through her very public marriage breakdown.

Later, Bernie had tracked Serena down to her office and knocked tentatively on the open door.

"Serena…?" she poked her head through and noted that the other woman hadn't turned to acknowledge her.

"I don't even want to look at you right now." The disappointment in her tone was obvious but Bernie walked in, shut the door behind her and stood by the desk anyway.

"I'm sorry, I truly am." Serena looked up at her then. "I can understand you feeling betrayed, that you think I'm just as bad as Edward but I had good reason for not being open and honest, if you'd be prepared to hear me out?" Bernie was desperate not to lose the only female friend she had in this place. Not to mention an ally who was her own age and someone who had an idea of what she was currently going through.

"Reason or excuse?" Of course, Serena had been there before, on the other side, and her distrust of what the adulterer had to say was understandable.

"I'm not proud of what I did or how I went about it but it happened and I can't change that. My marriage to Marcus has been over a long time, neither of us had been willing to acknowledge it or do anything about it. There's something comfortable, safe, _normal_ , about it still being there to fall back on, either at the end of the day or end of a tour of duty." Bernie looked up and directly at Serena to check that she was still listening. Serena nodded her head in permission for Bernie to continue. "Alex…" it still hurt Bernie every time she thought about the younger woman, let alone say her name out loud. "...unlocked something in me that I think I always knew but had never been brave enough to acknowledge. Does that… do _I_ make you uncomfortable now?" Bernie felt inexplicably sad, she hadn't known Serena that long but had thought they'd been well on the way to becoming friends and allies.

"If I'm being honest? Yes it does." Serena said it dispassionately, as though she were trying to make a point, to make Bernie suffer.

"Just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean that I fancy every woman I get friendly with!" There, she'd said it. If only Dom had have been around to hear it, he'd have been so proud.

"And is that what you are?"

"Yes. Always have been if I'm truly honest with myself." Serena took a deep breath, sighed loudly and shook her head.

"I'm not uncomfortable because of your sexuality. Surprised, yes but it's your deceit that upsets me. I told you about what happened with Edward. Do you realise how excruciatingly painful that was for me at the time? And how difficult it still is to reopen the old wound? I only did so because I thought we had that in common, that it would help you and your situation." Bernie looked suitably chastised and finally realised the depth of Serena's disappointment.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to mislead you, not deliberately."

"That's another thing, if you've always known that you were... _gay_... why marry Marcus in the first place? Why have children and pretend that's what you wanted? And then why, 25 years down the line, upset your family, your husband and everything for a fling?"

"It's not…it wasn't a fling! I'm _in love_ with Alex…. I'm in love with her and she's gone because I was too much of a coward to admit the truth." Bernie trailed off, unable to speak further because of the tears choking her throat. She'd lost everything, wasted so much time that she could never get back. Serena could see the heartache written all over Bernie's face, the strength of emotion reflected there something she'd not seen in her colleague before. Hadn't really expected to, given her reputation.

"You really do love her don't you?" Bernie nodded and swiped at the tears falling down her cheeks with the sleeve of her grey hoodie. "And does she feel the same way?"

"Very much so, more even. Or at least did before I'd pushed her away one too many times."

"Look, now's not really the time for this discussion. I'm still pissed off with you but I can see that it's more complicated than I realised. I don't want to lose whatever friendship we'd begun before all of this but I need some time." The signs of tiredness and stress from a busy day were evident in her eyes, Bernie's too if she were to take a look at herself.

"Thank you."

"It's not going to be easy for you back out there you know? You're going to be the source of much _entertainment_ for some time to come. At least until something new catches their attention. Think you can handle that Ms Wolfe?" Serena felt she needed to give Bernie a stern pep talk, after all, she'd been on the receiving end herself and still remembered what it had been like.

"I'm going to have to aren't I? Time to truly start being brave."


End file.
